Inconvenienced?!

Tuesday morning I dropped my daughter off at school and, instead of taking Z to daycare I kept him with me. It is part of my new routine of making sure  spend one on one time with him. We went grocery shopping and I have been putting it off for a while so it was a pretty big shop. I came home with a trunk full of groceries and Z who has been sick with a cold. Normally when a kid has a cold it's not a big deal, but when Z gets a cold he sometimes ends up in the hospital with breathing issues (although that hasn't happened for quite a while so maybe the fact that he's no longer dealing with the stress of being abused his body can fight the virus harder). I haven't been sleeping great and have been dealing with a huge moral dilemma and have my period so I'm not at my nicest or most patient right now.

Anyway, when I got home there was someone parked in my spot. It is clearly marked that it is private parking but apparently someone figured it didn't apply to them. I called my super but he wasn't there so I asked my neighbor, AB, if I could park behind her for a while because she is in the spot next to mine. I parked behind her car and the idiot who took my spot's car (heretofore ((I speak legalese now!)) referred to as The Idiot) . I can see my spot from my place and I glanced out the window every so often to see if anyone came. After almost two hours I saw The Idiot (TI) go to her car and look all confused. I went to my balcony and it went something like this:

Me: You parked in my spot
TI: It was only for half an hour
Me: It was for way longer than that but that's not the point. The point is that I pay $50 a month for that parking spot. I'm a single working mother with two little kids and I need that spot so when I get home with groceries and little kids I have somewhere to park that's close.
TI: Sorry (really snotty)
Me: Sorry's not good enough.
TI: What do you want me to say, that I won't do it again?
Me: I want you to have not done it at all. You inconvenienced me and I'm angry about it.
TI: Sorry if you were inconvenienced (again, really snotty).

I gave her and her friend a dirty look and came back inside my apartment and locked the balcony door behind me. And I waited almost half an hour before I went to move my car so she could get out. And when I did go out she was all - what the f--k is your problem? And I said in a sickeningly sweet voice with a smile on my face: Oh, I'm sorry, did I inconvenience you? And then I very slowly moved my car out of the way.

Now, normally I am the type of person who says: Oh, it's all right, just please don't do it again and smiles and walks away. But I'm tired of being nice. I want to say it like it is and f--k anyone who has a problem with that. I'm not sure if this change of behaviour means that I need more anti-depressants or if it means that it's good I'm finally letting out the anger. I'll ask my therapist...

I do know that I have so much inside me right now. Blogging is a great way to get it out and I need to make it a priority again but work keeps getting in my way. If I'm not working I feel like I should be and I have to maintain the apartment and have clean clothes and healthy food and all that jazz too. Oh - and raise two kids and take care of myself. I need a massage so badly and I just don't know when I'm going to have a chance. I made my work schedule so that I can take Fridays off but something keeps coming up. Today I had no childcare for A so I had her with me and that is not conducive to working. So tomorrow I have to work.

I also know that if I start to exercise I'll feel so much better and have more energy. I just don't seem to have the energy to start. I'm giving myself until after my stupid period and then I will start doing something. I like aerobics and I have some good dvds so I will start doing those. And it's something the kids can do with me. They think aerobics are awesome. I'd like to keep them thinking that way...

In terms of the moral dilemma, I know right from wrong. In most cases it is pretty clear cut. But what if I'm tired of doing the right thing and I just want to be selfish for a while? I think that if you asked most people who know me at all to make a list of words to describe me, selfish would not be on any of the lists. But I think it's time for me to be selfish a little and to do what I want and what feels right for me. I'm so tired of doing what's right by everyone else. Don't I deserve a little of my own?

Now - who's coming over to give me a massage and a pedicure. Because selfishly, those are the two things I could really use right now. (Although to be honest, I'll settle for the massage).