After I blogged last night I decided to have a smoke, hope it relaxed me enough to go to sleep. I did fall asleep. Yay!! For about 40 minutes. Then A woke up with a nightmare so I sat with her for a few minutes, brought her to my bed to sleep with me. She kicked me so much that I went to sleep in her bed. When Z woke up (still the middle of the night) and saw me in A's bed he freaked out. So I moved him into my bed as well because he wanted to be with her. But then they wanted me to stay with them. I didn't end up getting much sleep at all.
So basically what I'm saying is that I needed to sleep so badly last night and although I had the opportunity to sleep right after the kids went to bed, it was not to be. So here I am, still tired, but having learned a few very important things:
1. I need to train myself to sleep at any opportunity
2. I can't get complacent about my kids sleeping through the night
3. The more time I have to think about the quality of my life here in Winnipeg, one recurring theme is my lack of quality friends. (This is not to say that I don't have some wonderful people here, because I most certainly do, it's just that there are way too many not-so-great ones who are big parts of my life)
4. As important realizations come to me in my thinking time, I need to acknowledge, respect, and start to take action to improve the quality of my life.
This all goes back to my 'Screw the Guilt!' Post. I guess I need to read that one and start living it. Sometimes the hardest changes to make are the most important ones. Most often, actually, not just sometimes. I am only a little over a year into my new life as a single mom, as an independent woman again, as a person who is no longer being oppressed and controlled. And I am learning, step by step, how to build my life in a sustainable, enjoyable way. So here I am, working through it in my blog. And here you are, reading through it in my blog entries. Slowly, slowly, it will come together. The teeny tiny steps I am making myself take will add up to something that will resemble the kind of life I will be happy to be living, having relationships that I can be proud of and enjoy.
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