I've been realizing that I hate the fish I live with. They really creep me out. Maybe it's because they can't live with other fish that are the same as they are. They kill each other. Literally kill each other if they are in the same tank. A guy in my building told me he thought 2 in a 40 gallon tank would be all right but one attacked and ate the other one. They are obviously trying to say something - I'm just not sure what.
I take care of these fish named Goldie (I still think of Z's as chocolate chip) grudgingly. Z likes to scare his by waving a stuffed dolphin in front of it. It scared the hell out of the fish and Z finds it hilarious. So do I, actually. I guess he's showing me that if they are scared of a stuffed dolphin then they probably won't jump up and devour my arm while I'm feeding them. And yes, that's actually what I'm scared of happening. Isn't that ridiculous? I feel like they're biding their time.
I really Hate them. I wish I was at least indifferent to them, that would be a reasonably 'normal' response to having fish in the house. I think I have to move them to somewhere not in the middle of the living space. And certainly away from where I write and listen to music. And I have to clean their little tanks, the water is getting a bit cloudy but I need to buy a net because otherwise I can't get them out of the tank to clean it. You'd think that if you worked at a pet store and this woman came in to buy 2 fish for her kids and was totally clueless about fish that you'd include a fishnet with the rest of the paraphernalia (I am so proud of myself for being able to spell that word!). It's a pretty bad omission.
I'm the kind of person who would make sure that the customer walked out with everything they needed. If my job was to work at a pet store, I would make it my business to learn my job really well and give the best service I could. I hate going into a store and the clerk does a half-assed job. Either do your job well or don't do it at all. Don't sort-of do it. That makes me nuts.
Once upon a time I was a chambermaid in a small London hotel. We had to wear these uniforms, navy skirt, blue and white vertical striped tops with rounded collars, and a little apron (same stripes) that tied around the waist. I forgot about those uniforms although I do think I have a picture of it somewhere. Cleaning, especially hotel rooms, is one of the most finite jobs I know of. It is possible to do a perfect job every time because you are doing the same thing over and over again. There's something therapeutic about the physical labour of cleaning. And when I was finished, I was finished. I didn't think about it, worry that I could have done a better job. I did it, and I did it well and then it was done. I like jobs like that...
My point is that there was a woman who was hired who did a really lousy job and her excuse was that she was an architect (she had a degree). I told her that she might have a degree to be an architect but that right now she was a maid and she'd better start doing it properly because I was tired of cleaning up after her. Back then I didn't care if people didn't like me and I liked most people. Now I dislike most people and I do care if people like me. How messed up is that?
A few interesting things about when I worked at that hotel:
There were three chambermaids and we split the work and cleaned the hotel. We cleaned until it was done no matter what time that was. So we left anytime ranging from 3-7. One day we were all leaving in the middle of the afternoon and the manager stopped us: Where are you going? I pay you until 5. We told him we were done the work. He said: Well I pay you until 5 and you'll stay until 5. I don't know what his problem was that day. So we went downstairs to the staff area and drank tea and talked for two hours then left. The next time the hotel was really busy we all left at 5. He stopped us: Where are you going? It's not finished. We said: You pay us until 5. So we made him pay us overtime and he never stopped us from leaving again. Because in a hotel, the maid is the Most Important Person. Very few people realize that, but they are.
The staff all lived together in a flat that was a few blocks away from the hotel. It was in a great location, about a 10 minute walk to the British Museum. So we lived together, dined together, worked together. I did a similar thing in Australia with the encyclopedia. Living with the people I work with. I enjoy doing that. I like life to just balance like that - I hope to have that in my future in some capacity.
I got paid cash every friday. 63 pounds, 88 pence. And every week I spent 63 pounds, 88 pence. It was a pretty sweet way of life. I wish I had spent more time wandering though. I was fresh out of being very sheltered and I didn't know how to live outside a small community. I guess deep down I am a kibbutznik. Had my parents stayed in Israel and lived on Kibbutz I probably would have done really well. I also would have done really well in the army because of that thing I said earlier about doing any job really well. Maybe it's all happening in an alternate reality.
I was also a total space cadet and could get lost in a paper bag. I can still manage that but now I know how to use a map and not be scared of getting lost. I was scared of so much back then, I just didn't know it. It's cool to me to see how far I came but it seems that after meeting x I went downhill back into the fear. Now I'm coming out of it. Just for the record - it's way better on the way out than the way in.
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