22 page legal document

I just got a legal document that is 22 pages of complete legalese. I used to count the number of times the lawyers would write "heretofor" and "forthwith" and weird words like those. I joked with my lawyer that it seemed to me they were just trying to outdo each other in the legalese and it's a lot like flexing muscles. And apparently the way family lawyers do that is with big words. And lots of boring repetition. I did read it and this is what I have discovered:

I have sole custody of both children. Duh - he's a child abuser. And I had to actually fight for sole custody. The lawyers originally wrote something about it being joint custody but that he doesn't have visitation rights until... until... well - until what? I'm certainly going to fight for him to have no visitation, supervised or otherwise, until the kids are over 18 or are trained thoroughly enough in the martial arts to kick his sorry ass themselves.

Although I have sole custody, I still need to get his permission to take them out of the country on a trip. And I am legally not allowed any communication with him, directly or indirectly. So if I want to take the kids down to Grand Forks for the day I need to have my lawyer call his lawyer to get signed permission that I have to pick up and carry with me. It sure seems like a lot of trouble when he isn't even allowed in the same building as them.

That I am filing for divorce as soon as we have been separated for a year. I had to wait a year to file for divorce so that it can be considered a 'no fault' divorce Really?! No fault?!  Apparently that's easier than other ways of divorcing. But seriously, this divorce is pretty much anything but 'no fault'. Hurting a baby is definitely 'fault' in my world. Pretty huge fault too. Not like accidentally leaving the toilet seat up too many times, or having a bad sex life, or just being irritating. Child abuse is pretty much the epitome of faulty.

Once we have divorced I no longer have homestead rights on the house that we lived in together. THAT I SOLD. Over three months ago. Of course I don't have homestead rights. It's not my home. Or maybe I just don't know what homestead rights are and I should be claiming them left right and centre because there is no legal document saying I can't. Any lawyers out there, let me know if there are homestead rights I can be claiming. I'd like to park my horse and wagon somewhere.

I get the two kids, some money, and lots and lots of legal fees and look forward to a divorce. That is the sum of 22 pages of legal stuff. I just told you that in one line. And made it fairly simple to understand. I should edit those letters for the lawyers. We'd save a whole lot of paper...

And this is all just family law. The criminal case is taking longer, the preliminary trial is in the spring. I have to testify. I don't even have enough energy left in my fingers right now to type how angry that makes me so that will have to be a blog for another time.